Before becoming a new mother, most of us have high expectations for ourselves.
More than ever before, I feel that new mothers are under so much pressure to be the best parents to their new perfect baby. Many of these pressures come from within.
As a developmental psychology, I was well aware of the research that supports breastfeeding. What’s better, a higher IQ and the ability to burn 500 extra calories per day? How do I sign-up?
As soon as I learned I was expecting, I knew that I would be breastfeeding for at least one year. It’s like knowing I will watch the next episode of Game of Thrones. It’s just one of those things that you have to accept in life.
Funny how nature can knock us down when she feels like it.
My son was born with 7 pounds. He had gained only half of the weight that was expected. He would cry for hours, usually in the evenings.
These signs could have been anything, including the fact that my son was a tiny newborn with the same genes as me and my husband.
Something was wrong. I knew my milk supply was low but didn’t know why. I attended breastfeeding classes, I read every baby book I could find, and I met with a lactation specialist in the hospital shortly after my delivery.
What did I do wrong?
I discovered that I only produced half of the milk my baby needed after seeing a second lactation specialist. She (rather strongly) suggested that I start supplementing. As I thought this would reduce my supply even further, I said I would give it a few days and then follow her advice.
I cried the whole way home, and so did my child. After combining her advice with all the other information that I could find (reputable and otherwise), I started my search for more “liquid” gold. I tried it all.
Power pumping.
Herbal supplements
Mother’s Milk Tea
Nursing vacations.
Midnight pumping.
Weekly breastfeeding groups meetings
Pumping is required immediately following every feeding.
I stopped trying to lose weight during pregnancy.
My lactation consultant did not tell me that my medicine for seasonal allergies would likely reduce my supply. I had to give up my clear sinuses too. After all, I was a woman with a purpose.
How was my supply? The amount of formula that I was able to provide for my son increased a little, but not enough. This is especially true now that he’s trying to gain weight. When he was 4 months old, I realized that we would need to start supplementing his formula.
I’ve never felt so bad about myself. Even seeing another baby breastfed reach a milestone ahead of my son made me feel like I failed him.
I used to lie when I answered yes. I felt like a liar and had a secret.
As my son turns two and I start to feel the urge for another little sweetie, I ask myself some questions.
Would I do it again?
If I had to, would I? If I had to? Most of us moms would do anything to keep our babies happy and healthy, even if that meant sneezing through a 4am milking session. The situation would be different this time.
As a mother, I’ve learned that you can never fail.
Parenting is a mix of successes and failures. But the fact that you wake up each morning or every night, despite your failures the day before, and carry on as a parent, proves that you are never genuinely unable to do so.
Just like our children, we are constantly learning, developing, and growing.
What would I tell myself now, knowing what I didn’t then? Not everything is about breastfeeding! It is not wrong to nourish your child, whether it’s with breast milk or infant formula. All that matters is to feed your baby.
Your love and affection, not your breasts, will be the source of his happiness, health and intelligence.
As a woman and mother, I will take with me this knowledge that I have gained over the years. I know I may be faced with similar challenges if I ever become a parent again. No matter what the society says, I will continue to breastfeed my daughter and help other mothers who are having difficulties with this sometimes difficult task. It doesn’t really matter whether we breastfeed our babies or use formula.
We are strength
We are love. We are mothers.
